Craving

Chocolate covered Rice Krispie treats. I’ve never been a fan of these before. They certainly weren’t a treat I sought out. But then a few days ago out of no where the thought occurred to me that a marshmallowy treat would taste pretty good. I managed to put off the craving by eating some Chubby Hubby ice cream instead (always a favorite).  But today when a trip to the gym was foiled by Shamrock Shuffle road blocks, I instead went to the grocery store and bought a box of Rice Krispies, marshmallows and some chocolate chips. I honestly had no idea how simple they were to make (you don’t even have to bake them!). The fact that a batch can be whipped together in under 15 minutes is probably not a good sign if these cravings keep up.

 

Tagged

Eager

Saturday morning we’re scheduled for our first ultrasound. Every night this week Hubs has come home and announced the countdown with twinkle in his eyes.

“3 more days”

“2 more days”

“The day after tomorrow”

It makes my heart swell. We’ve come into adulthood together since we started dating nearly 10 years ago. Though we’ve had our share of adventures (marriage, buying a condo, the 2011 Japan Earthquake), we’ve mostly lived a very charmed, comfortable life. I’m certain this baby is going to unhinge us in ways we can never prepare for, but I know we’re as ready as we’ll ever be.

Thank You Jello Pudding

I’ve been riding waves of nausea for the past couple of days. On one hand it’s reassuring that something is actually growing in there, on the other hand, BARF. The minute I think I feel good enough to attempt to eat something my stomach twists into a pretzel. I typically spend a lot of time contemplating food, usually thinking about my next meal before I’m done eating one in front of me. It’s been difficult to find the idea of food entirely repulsive. I miss cooking, but anything I think of attempting churns my stomach. The one thing that has been consistently appealing to me is chocolate and vanilla swirl pudding. It tastes like happiness in my mouth. I wish I had the supply Adam Sandler’s ended up with in Punk Drunk Love to get me through this.

And…..that happened

Holy Shit

We’d been “not NOT trying” for just over a year. Meaning I was struggling to navigate my body’s cycles after a decade of birth control. I was just starting to settle into the fact that it could be a while before we actually conceived. Then BOOM.

Hubs has been heartbreakingly cute. Making efforts to be sure I’m eating well, and feeling ok. I’ve noticed a new twinkle (excitement?) in his eyes. A small part of me was a little worried he wasn’t quite ready. I’ve been reading and preparing for this for a while, but I think I’m actually more freaked out than he is. But I guess his body isn’t creating another person, so maybe that accounts for the difference.

I got to tell my family over Christmas, and a couple friends who would wonder why I wasn’t drinking over New Years. Hubs’ family was out of the country until a few days ago, so we’ll tell them when we celebrate our belated Christmas this weekend.

I’ve alternated between ecstatic, terrified, elated and sobbing in the last few weeks.  Not having complete control over my emotions is going to take some getting used to. So is not having control over much of anything anymore.

Lurker

I’m a lurker. A lurking lurker that lurks. Or at least I was for many years. I love blogs, and have read dozens of them for a very long time, but most of the time I don’t comment. Somehow I’ve felt that not having a blog to link back to made me an outsider, and that commenting alone wouldn’t make me a part of the community.  Going to Camp Mighty helped me get over that. I realized that it’s my silence that has kept me out of the communities I’ve been admiring for so long. I’ve been more mindful to comment on the majority of the post I read since I returned from Palm Springs.  Here are a few of my favorites:

Rebecca at Stumble and Leap on Thanksgiving 

“I’m finding myself grateful for the unexpected opportunity to savor Thanksgiving at Home.”

Leslie’s posts and illustrations on the Camp Mighty Talks

“Dopamine is released in our brain all the time and it “tags” certain behaviors, thoughts and experiences in different environments or social situations as good or bad. These tags become our CUES. Cues are everything and influence our behavior constantly. They are the source of superstitions and rituals and it is these cues that make it SO HARD to change our habits and behaviors. If there is something in our life that we want to change, we literally have to battle our own brain to improve ourselves.”

Girls Gone Child 2011

“2011 was supposed to be the year of reflection and stilling the mind, Alan Watts style. A zen year of exploring the internal. The year of om. Of pausing to exhale. Pausing to inhale. Pausing to exhale, serenity now. Except that didn’t happen…”

 

What about you? Do you leave comments?

 

Jumping In

I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about how I want my blog to look, and what I want it to be about. But all that thinking has left me overwhelmed and still not sure where exactly to begin. So I’ve decided to just start writing. I’ll be able to adjust the look and verbal “feel” of this site as I go along. It’s time to just DO.  So here it is. Revelations and reflections. I’ll see where this takes us.

*note: I might not tell anyone this exists for a while.

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